How I Came to Wear a Turkey Cutlet Bra to the Wedding

This is how I came to wear a turkey cutlet on my boobs at the wedding last week. A month or two ago, I called my cousin with a proposal. She likes to shop; I do not. I needed a floor-length black bridesmaid dress. She met me at the mall with my list of requirements. I had the dress instructions from the bride, a price range, and a request to make the shopping portion of the trip last under a half hour. She moved us through the mall like Michael Phelps in the 100 meter butterfly. She whipped th